Withholding sex from wife - B4arabCom

Withholding sex from wife

Withholding sex from wife

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I’ve had a lot of emails in the last week that are all essentially asking the same question with minor variations. I’ve been married for and for the last I’ve had a problem with my and the and they refuse to do anything about it. I’ve tried to try and get them to change but they still refuse to do anything about it. Usually the huge intolerable relationship breaking problem that people write to me about is a lack of sex. I’m getting emails from both men and women as many as five years into a sexless marriage and they are heartbreaking to read. My view point on sexless marriages is that this is just as serious as having a full blown affair in terms of its insult to the partner wanting sex but not getting it.

Marriage is at its heart a sexual relationship. Without the sex it’s just a legal friendship, which is to say a needlessly complicated way of having a friend. The basic agreement of being married is to meet each others sexual needs and not to run about getting them met anywhere else. Both affairs and no sex marriages break that agreement. The main difference between discovering that your partner is having an affair and the sex just being turned off on you is how the injured party reacts. Threats of divorce and other drama. It all comes to a head very quickly.

I think that when you are cut off from sex by your spouse, the marriage is in critical condition as one spouse has started actively working against the marriage. You DO need to rule out medical issues first asap. There are only three possible outcomes to the sexless marriage story. First option is that the ignored spouse just continues on and suffers for the rest of the marriage. This is the default ending that most people live though for a while. The second option is that the spouse leaves the marriage seeking new love. The third is that the spouse stays in the marriage, but pursues other relationships for sex.

I don’t advance any of these options as being superior to the other, I’m just saying that these are the natural consequences of one spouse cutting the other off sexually. Now you may feel like you’ve been banging you head against the wall for months or years in asking for them to change. Pleading, begging, asking, telling them how intolerable the intolerable problem is. The trouble is that all these are just words.

The solution is to make it clear by your actions that the problem is in fact intolerable, and that while you don’t know whether you will make a move towards option two or three, option one just isn’t going to happen anymore. This is where you just stop pursuing the dead end of sex with your partner and start preparing yourself to pursue things with other people in general. The goal is to stop chasing and pursuing your partner, and generally make it clear by your actions that you are no longer held emotional hostage by them and you will be capable of making a movement towards a life without them, and that you genuinely have the will to do so. Once you have that attitude down, there is a reasonable chance that your partner will have a significant change in their level of interest in you. So maybe they respond to you, maybe they won’t. I can’t promise that they will.